Human relationships are very delicate and to sustain a loving, caring relationship over a long period of time takes real hard work. Many a times the going may be tough and sometimes we may feel like giving up, but persevere we must, if we want to enjoy and sustain a good relationship.
No two persons in this world are hundred percent compatible with each other. Some may be less and some may be more compatible, but no one is hundred percent compatible with anyone in this world. Therefore, for any two people to live together or to have a mutually happy relationship, six words are very important: Patience, Acceptance, Adjustment, Compromise, Compassion, Tolerance and Sacrifice — PAACCTS. Without PAACCTS two or more people can never live together. Those who don’t have patience, understanding and compassion and refuse to accept, adjust, compromise, tolerate or sacrifice can only be a recluse and live in isolation. It is simply impossible for them to form any healthy and lasting relationship.
The tragedy is that our own mind is not in our control. And what is the comedy? Our own mind which is not in our control, with that uncontrolled mind we want to control other people’s mind which is not even in their control!! An impossible task. This is the comedy! The world along with all the things and beings don’t function according to our whims and fancies.
When we move to a new environment we need to adjust to the new environment and the people there as quickly as possible, if we have to survive there. When we move to a new country we need to abide by the laws, customs and traditions of the new country. In Saudi Arabia all women, irrespective of their religion, by law, have to compulsorily wear a long black robe over their dress, covering their entire body including the face except the eyes, when they step out of the house. If one chooses to ignore it, the reprimand is quick.
If we have to have a positive impact on the people in the new environment we need to work hard to win their hearts.
“Those who cannot change their mind cannot change anything.”
“Faults appear thick when love grows thin.”
There is a lot of difference between Love and Attachment. Most people mistake attachment for love.
1) There is always a cause for attachment. Love is always pure and unconditional — “in spite of” and not “because of“.
2) Attachment is selfish, whereas love is selfless.
3) In attachment, I and my needs are more important than anything else. In love, the loved one is prominent; his or her needs are a priority.
4) Attachment is always ego centered, while love is ‘other’ centered.
5) Attachment blinds and binds a person, whereas love sets one free and one grows as a person. We need to remember always that any thing or being we are attached to the most will be the cause of our biggest sorrow, misery or pain.
6) Attachment generates more anxiety; whereas love is soothing and calming.
7) Attachment results in lower efficiency as the mind is agitated; whereas love results in increased efficiency, as the mind is at ease.
8) Attachment causes a buildup of stress in relationship, whereas love brings in freedom in relationship.
9) Attachment is all about receiving, whereas love is all about giving.
An emotional person “reacts“, whereas an emotionally balanced person “responds“.
Emotional intelligence is the ability to monitor one’s own and others’ feelings and emotions, differentiate between them and to use this information to guide one’s thinking and action.
Emotional intelligence is to acknowledge that our feelings are temporary and we should not blow them out of proportion. When the mind is calm the intellect is sharp.
Always try to stay in control of your emotions. Nothing is accomplished if you lose control of your emotions. All emotions can be expressed without losing control.
Talk “with”, not “to”. Don’t dictate, accuse or threaten. When we talk “to” we are commanding and forceful, putting the other person off or making him / her defensive. When we talk “with” someone we are considering the other with par, thereby keeping communication open.
Success of a Relationship
The foundation of a good relationship is made up of love, respect and trust. For a relationship to sustain over time, all three — love, respect and trust — are necessary. Love engages the heart, it makes us identify with the other and see the world from their point of view, while respect helps us accept the other persons for what they are. Trust is earned over a long period of time and can be completely destroyed by one thoughtless act.
In an ideal situation, both love and respect should be there, but the relationship should survive if at least one is present. If both are absent, then it is most likely that the relationship will be a bitter one and may not survive.
If you find love is missing in the relationship, you must continue to respect the person and love will surely return to the equation. Similarly, if you find respect lacking in the relationship, continue to love and the respect will return.
If you want love, don’t deny respect.
If you want respect, don’t deny love.
Most relationships are relationships of convenience.
Rare indeed is the relationship in which the other is not cultivated for what one can get for oneself.
Always act out of joy, not for joy.