Attachment Versus Love…
“Those who cannot change their mind cannot change anything.”
“Faults appear thicker when love becomes thin.”
There are several differences between Love and Attachment.
1) There is always a cause for attachment. Love is always pure and unconditional — in spite of.
2) Attachment is selfish, whereas love is selfless.
3) In attachment, I and my needs are more important than anything else. In love, the loved one is prominent; his or her needs are a priority.
4) Attachment is always ego centered, while love is ‘other’ centered.
5) Attachment blinds and binds a person, whereas love sets one free and one grows as a person.
6) Attachment generates more anxiety, whereas love is soothing and calming.
7) Attachment results in lower efficiency as the mind is agitated, whereas love results in increased efficiency, as the mind is at ease.
8) Attachment causes a build-up of stress in relationship, whereas love brings in freedom in relationship.
9) Attachment is all about receiving, whereas love is all about giving.
When we constantly think about an object, focusing exclusively on its positive or beneficial aspects, we develop attachment to it. Attachment gives rise to desire to possess it and when there is some obstacle between us and our object of desire, we become angry towards that obstacle. We become deluded due to anger. In delusion, we tend to forget who we are, where we are, with whom we are interacting, what is around us and how should we act. Delusion leads to the destruction of intellect or rational thinking, which results in our complete ruin. It all begins with attachment.
Fortunately, attachment is not something physical. Otherwise we wouldn’t have been able to move being physically attached to things and beings we are so intensely attached to. It is something just mental or psychological. It is a kind of feeling, emotion or sentiment associated with a thing or being so long as it appears to give us some kind of joy, pleasure or happiness or appear to benefit us in some way. The moment it reduces in its capacity to give us the same quantum and quality of joy, pleasure or happiness or benefit, our so called attachment starts disappearing or ceases completely. Moreover our mind is anyway fickle. It can’t hold on to things and beings for long and as soon as it comes across other things and beings better in their capacity to give us a higher quality and in a higher quantum of joy, pleasure or happiness or any benefit, our attachment to things and beings earlier will start reducing and may even cease completely. We have all experienced this as children. As a child we may have been emotionally very much attached to our toys. But, as we kept growing up and whenever we got newer toys our attachment to the older toys automatically vanished and we even would not mind giving it away to some other children. So attachment is something emotional and is impermanent.
An emotional person ‘Reacts’, whereas an emotionally balanced person ‘Responds’.
“Emotional Intelligence is the ability to monitor one’s own and other’s feelings and emotions, discriminate among them and to use this information to guide one’s thinking and action.”
Emotional intelligence is to acknowledge that our feelings are temporary and we should not blow them out of proportion.
When the mind is calm the intellect is sharp.
Always try to stay in control of your emotions. Nothing is accomplished if we lose control of our emotions. All emotions can be expressed without losing control.
Talk ‘with’ and not ‘to’ any person. Don’t dictate accuse or threaten. When we talk ‘to’ we are commanding and forceful, putting the other person off or making him / her defensive. When we talk ‘with’ someone we are considering the other at par, thereby keeping communication open.
Act out of joy not for joy.
The Success of a Relationship
The foundation of a good relationship is made up of love, respect and trust. For a relationship to sustain over time, all three — love, respect and trust — are necessary. Love engages the heart, it makes us identify with the other and see the world from their point of view, while respect helps us accept the other person for what they are. Trust is earned over a period of time, and can be completely destroyed with a single thoughtless act.
In an ideal situation, both love and respect should be there, but the relationship would survive if at least one is present. If both are absent, then it is most likely that the relationship would be a bitter one.
If you find love is missing in the relationship, you must continue to respect the person and love will surely return to the equation. Similarly, if you find respect lacking in the relationship, continue to love and the respect will return.
If you want love, don’t deny respect.
If you want respect, don’t deny love.
An important thing to remember: Everything in this entire existence is impermanent and ephemeral and that includes all things and beings as well as all relationships.