Human nature tends to let down its guard and act its worst around those who we are most familiar with. How we really are, is the way we act towards others that we know the best, which are typically those of our own home.
To relate is to react.
To react is to understand oneself.
To understand oneself is to be enlightened.
Relationships are schools for enlightenment.
The following are tips for husbands and wives.
1) You need not tell your spouse “I love you” each and every single day, but it should be expressed through the small little things that you do for your spouse each and every single day. Married couples who love each other tell each other a thousand things without talking.
2) Always say please and thank you.
3) Never demand anything one of another, but ask kindly with respect, like you would from anyone else outside the home. The message is that you don’t take your spouse for granted.
4) Husbands, you don’t own your wife, so don’t act like one. Don’t be bossy and overbearing and order them around like a slave. Support them as the physically weaker vessel and love them and give yourself for them.
In the 21st century, the society has drastically changed. Both, men and women, are well educated and financially independent. In marital relationship, therefore, both the spouses will have their own areas of core competence according to their qualifications and experiences. So, one should allow his or her spouse a free hand to take decisions in his or her areas of core competence without unnecessarily interfering unless an opinion is asked for. There is no question of one spouse dominating the other.
5) Wives, don’t nag your husbands. If they have been too busy to get something done that is important to you and you have already asked them a number of times, try asking them after you have done something nice for them. Or ask if there is anything you can do to help them get started on their project. You will find this goes over much better then telling them I have been asking for two months now to fix the leaking tap. When are you ever going to get this done? It is so hard to get you to do anything around here!
6) Wives, don’t crib, talk negatively or belittle people. Sure we all have our bags full of complaints. But it is one thing to complain once in a while and it’s something else to crib big time every moment, about every issue or every person one comes across. Men can’t understand why a woman has to crib and bitch all the time. Either you do something about the issue or stop complaining — it’s as simple as that.
7) Agreed, only the fortunate are blessed with a good set of in-laws. So, if you are not one of the lucky ones, will you constantly bash them up verbally? They are somebody’s parents and if you don’t have something nice to say about them, don’t say anything.
8) Husband, thank your wife for each meal, when laundry is done and for how well your clothes have been folded and when the home is cleaned and what a clean house she keeps. Wives, when your husband fixes something around the home thank him.
9) Each day ask the other if there is anything you can do for them.
10) Accept your spouse’s flaws. There may be facets of your spouse’s personality which will come to the fore post marriage. Rather than turning bitter, learn to accept your spouse with all his / her little quirks. Remember the adage of sticking by each other through thick and thin, especially when going gets tough. Respect your spouse for who he / she really is, instead of trying to change facets that bother you.
You both need to be patient with each other’s weaknesses and faults. You should not make a practice of pointing out each other’s faults over and over. Remember that love will cover a multitude of faults. When love becomes thin, faults appear thicker. Love is always unconditional. In love we accept the other person as he / she is, with all his / her positives and negatives. Attachment is always conditional. Deal with the other’s faults the way you want them to deal with yours. No one is perfect in this world.
11) Master the art of laughing together. The most effective advice to make any relationship work is to keep the component of humor alive. Look for those mutual interests that excite both of you and explore them together. If you learn to laugh together and laugh at past arguments and follies, you can overcome just about any obstacle that comes your way.
12) Give space to each other. Remember that your individual interests and hobbies are an integral part of what defines you. Make some time exclusively for yourself from time to time and give your spouse to do the same. It may be a creative outlet or a week-end getaway with your best pals or an all-women or all-men evening out — do not give up those little individual pursuits that make you who you are. Also keep to the same rule where each other’s family is concerned. Give each other time and space with family too. Excessive clinging to each other is suffocating and unhealthy for a good marital relationship.
13) Be always seeking what you can put into the marriage not what you can get out of it.
14) Make a practice of trying to give into each other when there are differences. That way when you really feel strong about something, your spouse will not have such a hard time giving into you.
15) Pray daily for each other and for each other’s spiritual welfare.
16) Have family devotions together each morning even if it is only for a few minutes.
17) Keep a list of the things your spouse asks you to do on the cork board. When your spouse asks you to do something make sure you put it on your list and put a date beside it so you know how long it has been there. Cross off the items on the list as you do them. It is okay to offer to do something on your list if your spouse will do something on their list.
18) Never discuss each other’s past faults and mistakes in front of other people. While your spouse may laugh along with you and not say anything about it later, you may have hurt them deep down.
19) Don’t allow a disagreement to escalate into an argument and certainly not in public or in front of your children.
20) When there is an argument on a particular issue, discuss only that particular issue. Don’t bring up all the issues right from day one of marriage till the present. It is a waste of time and energy. Don’t ever mix issues.
21) If you get into a charged disagreement with your spouse that digresses to a point where you are bringing up each other’s faults and failures, it is best to end the conversation with prayer and set a time to discuss the issue the following day. Before you enter into discussion you should lay some guidelines for resolving conflicts. You should also pray apart to make sure you have grace and then pray together before you start the discussion and ask God to give you both grace to conduct the discussion in a dignified manner.
22) Address issues straight up. Whether you hear him talking to an ex on the phone or see something on her facebook profile that disturbs you, or you did not like the way he spoke about your Mom, talking it out is always wiser than brooding over things for an eternity. The more you avoid talking out issues, the more they will build up and in the long run, that might just prove to be toxic for your relationship. Don’t let the small things bother you by talking it out and staying calm while you are at it.
Lack of proper communication is the biggest problem in any relationship.
The greatest mistake we humans make in our relationships: We listen half, understand quarter, think zero and react double.
23) If one or both the spouses have psychological issues, it is very important that they seek professional help at the earliest before the relationship reaches a breaking point.
All said and done, no relationship, including the most important one, marital relationship, is immune to conflicts. Compatibility is the key. Higher the compatibility (physical, mental, intellectual and spiritual) level, lower is the number of conflicts and vice versa.
Most relationships, including marriage, are relationships of convenience.
There’s more compromise than love in most relationships.