Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.
Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
If we had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be “meetings”.
Going to a place of worship doesn’t make us a religious person anymore than standing in a garage makes us a car.
People who want to share their religious views with us almost never want us to share ours with them.
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
There is a very fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness”.
Never lick a steak knife.
Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried before.
It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheque.
By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
A conscience is what hurts when all of our other parts feel so good.
Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
Junk is something we have kept for years and throw away three weeks before we need it.
We should not confuse our career with our life.
The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)
You are loved when you are born. You will be loved when you die. In between, you have to manage!