13 Steps for Self Care
1) If it feels wrong, don’t do it. If we don’t want others to know we should not do it in the first place.
If we do something that we feel is wrong, it will always prick our conscience. We will live to regret our action the rest of our lives. No one wants his or her negative action to be known to others. Then why do it in the first place. It is very rare to come across a person who does positive action and doesn’t want others to know about it. Most of us would rather want to have name and fame as a result of our positive actions.
2) Never speak bad about others and, more importantly, about yourself.
Constantly talking ill of others doesn’t help us in any way. We end up polluting our own mind and wasting our time energy. Judging a person does not define who they are. It defines who you are. Speaking or thinking bad about oneself results in low self-esteem and confidence. One should also not give too much value to others’ opinion about oneself.
“I have often wondered how it is that every man loves himself more than all the rest of men, but yet sets less value on his own opinion of himself than on the opinion of others.”
– Marcus Aurelius Antoninus
3) Say “exactly” what you mean.
Many of us are vague or ambiguous or simply beat around the bush regarding what “exactly” we want to say and mean. This creates misunderstanding and leaves scope for misinterpretation in the minds of the listeners.
The best relationships are the ones who are truthful to your face and, more importantly, behind your back. Speak the truth even if your voice shakes.
“Hurt me with the truth, but never comfort me with a lie.”
4) Don’t be a people pleaser.
There is no assured formula for success, but there is definitely an assured formula for failure and that is trying to please everyone. Instead, focus on doing the right thing at the right place and at the right moment, irrespective of whether anyone is pleased with it or not.
5) Don’t be afraid to say “No”.
Many of us lack the ability to say “No”, even though we want to. We accept or agree to do something with a smile, which we don’t want to do and the mind revolts against it. Then we end up suffering from a disease called mental acidity. We must be open with people and politely decline, without offending the other person, what we don’t relish doing or simply don’t want to do.
6) Don’t be afraid to say “Yes”.
Sometimes we want to say “Yes”, but end up saying “No”. We regret for not accepting and again the mind revolts resulting in mental acidity. We should be very clear in our minds regarding when to say “No” and when to say “Yes” to avoid having regrets and suffering from mental acidity.
7) Stay away from hypocrisy and negativity.
We should not pretend to be what we are not. This pretension creates a lot of problems for us. Instead of being a poor imitation, be a hundred per cent original. The turmoil between our true nature and what we pretend and strive to be is what we call stress or tension. Therefore, stress or tension is what we think we should be, and absolute, infinite bliss is what we are and have always been in Reality.
Negativity pulls us down very badly.
One tree makes 1 Lakh matchsticks. But one matchstick can burn 100,000 trees.
Similarly one negative thought or doubt can burn thousands of dreams…
Be Positive Always!!!
8) Let go of what you can’t control.
There are events and experiences that we don’t want to happen but they happen and we have no choice but to accept them, things we don’t want to know but have to learn, and people we think we can’t live without but have to let go.
If you want to fly, give up everything that weighs you down.
“You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.”
– Maya Angelou
“We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”
– Joseph Campbell
9) Trust your instincts.
“Trust yourself when all men doubt you and make allowance for their doubting too.”
– Rudyard Kipling
10) Never give up on your dreams.
Be ever enthusiastic in achieving your goals you have set out to achieve. Never ever give up enthusiasm.
Age wrinkles the skin, but giving up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul.
“The best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up.”
– Paul Valery
“So many of our dreams first seem impossible, then improbable and then inevitable.”
– Christopher Reeve
What’s stopping you? That’s right — nothing.
11) Be KIND to others and, more importantly to yourself.
We, at times, tend to neglect ourselves or are very harsh with ourselves. Along with being kind to others, we need to be kind to ourselves as well. Be kind to unkind people. They need it most. One kind word can change someone’s entire day.
“A warm smile is the universal language of kindness.”
– William Arthur Ward
12) Be Courageous.
“One isn’t necessarily born with courage, but one is born with potential. Without courage, we cannot practice any other virtue with consistency. We can’t be kind, true, merciful, generous, or honest.”
– Maya Angelou
Never ever get disheartened or discouraged by struggles, adversities, setbacks and failures in life. These negative happenings teach us more than the positive events. Struggles and adversities are needed to upgrade our skills and knowledge to progress. With struggle comes strength and wisdom.
13) LOVE
Love is God, love is nature, love is life and love is the true human value. Nature constantly expresses love by giving without demanding. Bereft of love, one is equivalent to a corpse. Love even the worst of enemies. Most of the times, loving worst of our enemies becomes difficult or rather impossible. In that case at least we should be indifferent towards them. Positively hating them will be detrimental to our peace of mind, because the ones we hate occupy a rent-free space in our mind.
Chintu
I feel I must read all these steps at least once in a week regularly for a long time in order to inculcate these values firmly in my mind. Very valuable points. The sayings included such as ‘Hurt me with the truth, never comfort me with a lie’ ring in my ears. Thank you Swamiji.