Our relationships with the people around us are dictated and  influenced by several factors, including blatant or hidden expectations that we have of them. Many times, we become disappointed when the people around us don’t measure up to our expectations, which can cause us to develop constant resentment and misunderstanding. To avoid such situations, it’s important that we know how to let go of the following expectations so that we can develop healthy relationships with others.

1) Let go of agreeing on every issue.

One of the things we strive for is to get along with others and to feel that our relationships with the people in our lives are running smoothly. Many people make the mistake of thinking that for this to happen, it is important for people around them to approve of their actions. While it is nice to know that people in our lives see our actions positively, it isn’t always possible, and there is no reason why we should avoid certain things just because we fear disapproval from others.

We must realize that each one of us is unique and therefore won’t always agree on everything, especially on certain issues and behaviors in life. We should continue our chosen path and not expect people to always agree with us because we’ll end up disappointed. Instead, we should trust that people close to us will accept us as we are, and those who don’t, probably don’t need to be in our lives.

2) Have no expectation from others to behave in the way we want them to.

Just as we don’t want others to try to change us, we shouldn’t expect anyone to change themselves or their behavior for us. If we expect the people around us to always behave in a certain way, we’ll be sorely disappointed. Furthermore, we may get into arguments with these people and eventually we might become resentful of them. We can narrow this gap between fantasy and reality if we just stop expecting people to act the way we think they should. Doing this will make us feel much better. Then we’ll start appreciating the people around us as they deserve. Moreover, when we stop wasting our time trying to change others, we’ll get to know them better and discover things that might surpass any of our expectations.

“There is no such thing as sorrow. The weakness of our mind alone causes us sorrow. Transform your mind and intellect, you cannot change the world.” — Swami Akhandananda

3) We expect respect from others, which we don’t give to ourselves first.

Often, we yearn for a sense of love and respect from others. There are some people who are even willing to grovel to get them from others, something which causes the exact opposite. To gain affection and respect from those around us we must first love and respect ourselves, and only then expect it from others. If we don’t, we’ll only project our insecurity, which will cause others to respond to it.

We need to develop respect and love for ourselves first. We should stand in front of the mirror every day, tell ourselves that we love who we are and start acting accordingly, and do our best to treat ourselves in a way that will inspire in us, and in the people in our lives, respect for us.

4) Give up on having a relationship at all costs — it doesn’t work.

Nobody in this world is perfect and everybody’s notion of perfection is different. Sometimes there are people in our lives who tend to remind us of our imperfection and make us feel bad about ourselves. Many of us try to please those people at all costs, just to receive affection and friendship. This is impossible, since negative people will always have something bad to say, and it has nothing to do with our character but with theirs.

We need to invest our time and energy in nurturing relationships with people who are worth our time and shouldn’t get caught up in others’ negativity. The race to please them and to expect their affection and respect will end in disappointment and heartbreak, and we have to break the chain of this unreasonable expectation.

5) It is naive to expect others to read our thoughts and act accordingly.

How often did we get into a fight with our partner just because we wanted something and they didn’t understand what it was? Many of us have been in a similar situation, and if we’re honest with ourselves, it usually comes from us expecting our partner to “read our minds” and know what we’re thinking. When this doesn’t happen, as it obviously can’t, the feeling of anger slowly creeps in and often leads to fights.

When we really delve into this expectation it becomes clear how unfair it is. No one, no matter how well they know us, can know what goes on in our heads. It is important that we avoid expecting others to read our mind because they’ll fail every time, at no fault of their own. Instead, we should use our ability to speak, to express what we want — we may or may not get it, but at least we won’t have a double disappointment of a shattered expectation along with our request being shot down.

6) It is difficult for anyone to suddenly change their habits.

How difficult is it to change our habits, which may be annoying to others? We all know people who have a habit or feature that we want with all our might to change and think it will happen at any moment. If we don’t like a certain behavior, we need to talk about it! We can’t expect people to change their habits overnight, just because they annoy us or don’t suit us. If the annoying behavior persists and we feel that we are unable to live with it, we may want to consider the nature of the relationship between us and that person. If a behavior isn’t particularly pleasant, but we can live with it, the offending person is probably worth our patience and these habits will soon seem marginal.

7) Taking everyone and everything to be well always

Everything is subject to change with time. As we reach certain ages and stages of life, we begin to expect life to be peaceful and think that other people should also be calm and always relaxed. Unfortunately, life doesn’t work this way, and many people hide a lot of pain that floods them and affects their behavior. They may look depressed and start distancing themselves from us to avoid more pain, something that can rock our peaceful bliss. When the people around us shatter the bubble of which everything in our life is fine, we shouldn’t be disappointed. Instead, support them in their struggles and help them feel that the water can be calm and pleasant. We need to put our expectations aside and support people who are precious to us, who may not always be at their best.

We should never have any expectations from anyone about anything if we don’t want to suffer from disappointment.

No two people in this world are hundred percent compatible. So, differences in opinions are bound to be there.

“Don’t blame people for disappointing you. Blame yourself for expecting too much.”

“Never get too attached to anyone, because attachments lead to expectations and expectations lead to disappointments.”